Wednesday, August 30, 2006
FLAYED ACROSS AMERICA, PART UNE.
*Readers are strongly encouraged to refer back the May 12, 2006 post entitled "Flayed" as preparation for the following blog.
Friends and colleagues,
I'm back in the ATL after a whirlwind August that included stints and Vegas and New York. Did you miss me? Don't answer that. You're probably wondering why I'm jetsetting across this great nation, getting all transcontinental on your ass while you sit at home eating Wheat Thins and burrata cheese and whatnot. Well, the purpose of my travels is namely:
B to the F.L.A.Y. The Bob-man! The Flayster! Flay-o-rama! Bob-o-rino! Call him what you will, this grandmaster-chef is the hollandaise on my egg scramble. The creme fraiche on my chocolate souffle. The balsamic reduction on my pecan-encrusted fig tarts. Do you have a menu? Anyways, I've traveled pretty far, my friends, across mountainous terrain, through darkened city streets, across lakes and streams and fjords. My trusty camera has been my greatest companion through this voyage. In the spirit of Flay himself, I present my latest photo documentary, FLAYED ACROSS AMERICA, PART UNE. Ahem:
Our first stop, Mesa Grille at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. Couldn't get a reservation here, but I was able to scope out the interior for Flay with my acute 20/20 vision. No Flay in site. Settled for picture in front of giant backlit sign.
While hanging a right around the side of the establishment, I come across a smaller sign and grab another photo op. In 100-degree heat with feet blisters, you can see that I'm starting to get weary, but I continue on with a determined spirit.
During the last leg of my Vegas trek, I come across this old, tattered photograph of Flay in his early twenties. Great historical find. Note look of content and relief as I realize my journey out west has come to an end.
Stay tuned for FLAYED ACROSS AMERICA: PART DEUX, where my voyage continues in the Big Apple. Giddy up.
Friends and colleagues,
I'm back in the ATL after a whirlwind August that included stints and Vegas and New York. Did you miss me? Don't answer that. You're probably wondering why I'm jetsetting across this great nation, getting all transcontinental on your ass while you sit at home eating Wheat Thins and burrata cheese and whatnot. Well, the purpose of my travels is namely:
B to the F.L.A.Y. The Bob-man! The Flayster! Flay-o-rama! Bob-o-rino! Call him what you will, this grandmaster-chef is the hollandaise on my egg scramble. The creme fraiche on my chocolate souffle. The balsamic reduction on my pecan-encrusted fig tarts. Do you have a menu? Anyways, I've traveled pretty far, my friends, across mountainous terrain, through darkened city streets, across lakes and streams and fjords. My trusty camera has been my greatest companion through this voyage. In the spirit of Flay himself, I present my latest photo documentary, FLAYED ACROSS AMERICA, PART UNE. Ahem:
Our first stop, Mesa Grille at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. Couldn't get a reservation here, but I was able to scope out the interior for Flay with my acute 20/20 vision. No Flay in site. Settled for picture in front of giant backlit sign.
While hanging a right around the side of the establishment, I come across a smaller sign and grab another photo op. In 100-degree heat with feet blisters, you can see that I'm starting to get weary, but I continue on with a determined spirit.
During the last leg of my Vegas trek, I come across this old, tattered photograph of Flay in his early twenties. Great historical find. Note look of content and relief as I realize my journey out west has come to an end.
Stay tuned for FLAYED ACROSS AMERICA: PART DEUX, where my voyage continues in the Big Apple. Giddy up.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Mooks: Bell's Palsy Poster Child
Hey, here's some bullshit for you. Remember in my last post how I said I couldn't taste on one side of my tongue? Which, just so we all understand the gravity of the situation, no sense of taste = Mooks's worst level of HELL. But I digress. So I thought that was a pretty crappy situation to be in. Turns out, it gets crappier! Please to read the following excerpt:
From WebMD, as diagnosed by Mr. Mooks, and Mother Mooks:
Bell's Palsy
Topic Overview
What is Bell's palsy?
Bell's palsy is a paralysis or weakness of the muscles on one side of your face. Damage to the facial nerve that controls muscles on one side of the face causes that side of your face to droop. The nerve damage may also affect your sense of taste and how you make tears and saliva. This condition comes on suddenly, often overnight, and usually gets better on its own within a few weeks.
That's right. I have a gimp face. Now that I've been a Bell's Palsy survivor for around 96 hours, I have to say that I'm really not satisfied with Web MD's (Dr. Web I call him) flippant and terse summation of my disease. I prefer to be thought of as "living with" Bell's as opposed to "suffering from" it. I've organized the following photographic journal to be submitted and subsequently added to the WebMD arsenal of knowledge about The Palsy. If I help one fellow BellFace, it will be worth it.
Symptom #1: Deadbeat Tastebuds, as seen here.
Symptom #2: Inability to kiss your man/woman/dog/back of your hand with BOTH sides of your lips.
Symptom #3: Scary, lop-sided laugh that makes all others stop laughing immediately and afix upon you a Look Of Concern.
Finally, Symptom #4: One eyelid that doesn't shut all the way. This is me blinking. It's also my contact lens begging you to set it free from this dry desert of an eyeball.
So now you know. Tomorrow I'm going to get a second opinion from my Real Life Doctor, whose first name is Mercedes, and yes that is why I go to her. I feel richer just going into her office. I want to thank you all for letting me use this forum to raise awareness about my condition. I'm here, my face looks queer, get used to it.
From WebMD, as diagnosed by Mr. Mooks, and Mother Mooks:
Bell's Palsy
Topic Overview
What is Bell's palsy?
Bell's palsy is a paralysis or weakness of the muscles on one side of your face. Damage to the facial nerve that controls muscles on one side of the face causes that side of your face to droop. The nerve damage may also affect your sense of taste and how you make tears and saliva. This condition comes on suddenly, often overnight, and usually gets better on its own within a few weeks.
That's right. I have a gimp face. Now that I've been a Bell's Palsy survivor for around 96 hours, I have to say that I'm really not satisfied with Web MD's (Dr. Web I call him) flippant and terse summation of my disease. I prefer to be thought of as "living with" Bell's as opposed to "suffering from" it. I've organized the following photographic journal to be submitted and subsequently added to the WebMD arsenal of knowledge about The Palsy. If I help one fellow BellFace, it will be worth it.
Symptom #1: Deadbeat Tastebuds, as seen here.
Symptom #2: Inability to kiss your man/woman/dog/back of your hand with BOTH sides of your lips.
Symptom #3: Scary, lop-sided laugh that makes all others stop laughing immediately and afix upon you a Look Of Concern.
Finally, Symptom #4: One eyelid that doesn't shut all the way. This is me blinking. It's also my contact lens begging you to set it free from this dry desert of an eyeball.
So now you know. Tomorrow I'm going to get a second opinion from my Real Life Doctor, whose first name is Mercedes, and yes that is why I go to her. I feel richer just going into her office. I want to thank you all for letting me use this forum to raise awareness about my condition. I'm here, my face looks queer, get used to it.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
The Story of Mooks and the Very, Very Bad Week
Not really story so much as list. Because I like lists.
1. Car broken again. Remains in home garage. Hoping it will turn itself on and commit suicide by inhaling its own toxic carbon monoxide fumes.
2. Jury Duty. Forced to be in presence of scary child molester and rapist. Child Molester plea bargains, will be out in eight years- just in time to molest child his wife is currently knocked up with. Wretch, gag, barf.
3. Too much work. Hate it. Would never come back if not for Tine.
4. Tine gone to Vegas all week long.
5. Letter from COLLECTION AGENCY. Reported by gas company for not paying bill I never knew I had at a place I haven't lived in 6 months. Credit score certainly in toilet as result.
6. Loss of sense of taste on right side of tongue. Doctors baffled at cause (doctors being sister in law and brother in law).
7. Never got to go to Hip Hop Tap as result of #1.
8. While in jury duty, got message from boss offering free trip to Napa Valley. Returned call at recess only to find trip given to others because I couldn't be reached.
Some other bad things happened too. BLAH.
1. Car broken again. Remains in home garage. Hoping it will turn itself on and commit suicide by inhaling its own toxic carbon monoxide fumes.
2. Jury Duty. Forced to be in presence of scary child molester and rapist. Child Molester plea bargains, will be out in eight years- just in time to molest child his wife is currently knocked up with. Wretch, gag, barf.
3. Too much work. Hate it. Would never come back if not for Tine.
4. Tine gone to Vegas all week long.
5. Letter from COLLECTION AGENCY. Reported by gas company for not paying bill I never knew I had at a place I haven't lived in 6 months. Credit score certainly in toilet as result.
6. Loss of sense of taste on right side of tongue. Doctors baffled at cause (doctors being sister in law and brother in law).
7. Never got to go to Hip Hop Tap as result of #1.
8. While in jury duty, got message from boss offering free trip to Napa Valley. Returned call at recess only to find trip given to others because I couldn't be reached.
Some other bad things happened too. BLAH.
