Future Fat Ass

This weekend was my very first bridesmaid experience. Mate's sister got married and asked me to be a maid, which was very touching. I think she did it because I'm so good-looking though. That's what you want up there next to you, good-looking people to make the pictures look nice. The worst thing is when you are forced to have a family member who you not only don't like that much, but is also not very good-looking. But she's the only girl cousin not in it, and she would hate you forever if you didn't ask her. This is all hypothetical, of course. Nothing like this happened when I got married.

I'll get straight to the point though and go ahead and list some FatAss (Phat ass?) highlights:
1. First and foremost, Open Bar. The only way to go.
2. The favors were tiny chinese takeout boxes of HOMEADE CHOCOLATES. Yes. That is correct. I also heard that the guy who made them has his chocolate shipped from Belgium. Say no more. I took 3.
3. We took pictures on the beach. I was surprisingly delighted by the juxtaposition of having a fancy dress and hair, with feet in the ocean and Bud Light in hand. Good feeling.
4. I managed to resist eating the shrimp and scallops in cream sauce, which would inevitably have caused my stomach and intestines to form a coup against the rest of me and try to secede from the union. Even though my brain and tongue know I LOVE cream sauce. It's an ongoing battle I like to call the 26-years War. Bravo to the brain for being the bigger organ and extending the peace pipe.
5. The last song of the evening was "I've had the time of my Life" from Dirty Dancing, and Mate and I did The Lift. Everyone was extremely impressed, especially the table of gentlemen to whom I unwittingly exposed my underwear. This is the second wedding at which I have exposed my underpinnings while getting down. You may think it's embarrassing but no. This is just a hazard of being an excellent dancer and I'm not ashamed.

That's all. You may comment now.